I actually am really sorry I haven’t posted in awhile. After I moved I had full intentions to get back into the habit of blogging again and perhaps even graduating to vlogging, but my health is kind of beating me down these days and it’s something that I can’t explore too much without becoming emotionally invested in my failures as a human bean. If I was a human bean, I’d be like that one half cooked bean that found it’s way into your dinner and makes you mouth cringe from the texture being way off.
Right now I’m investing the extra energy I have into getting eloped… Going to the DMV, doing paper work, talking my fiance into NOT wearing the suit pants that are held together with pins… You know, the norm. I’m spending the rest of my time nursing injuries, my forever jacked failed spinal fusion, and my stomachs love for giving me swirlies without actually being able to flush the handle itself. We’re playing this eloping thing by ear and we’re almost ready and with that my health issues should begin to improve. Through the sheer force of my submission to marriage as all women are intended!!!! Through the kitchen, I shall arise! LIKE THE MIGHTY PHOENIX!! Or through the health insurance plan I can only get through marriage… I’m really not sure how it works to be honest.
Part of the reason I’m not in any treatment now besides the immense $$$$$ that was being sucked out of fiance and myself is the pain killer situation. I stopped taking pain meds about 2 and a half years now and it wasn’t the best life choice I’ve ever made. They do indeed change your personality and if your pain doctor is a dick you end up withdrawing until your next dose like I did. There’s a lot of stigma and it gets obnoxious hearing everyone’s opinions about something that is likely a last option for you. Doctors don’t just hand you a script and a pat on the butt. They make you try everything, even the things they personally know won’t work and in this process you start to become very beat down. Most sick people are not thrilled once the doctor gives up and finally offers you pain medication and it’s a hard decision as a patient to make as well. This could potentially control the rest of your life, you’re at risk of addiction, you’re going to be treated like an addict, and shitty people in your life are going to steal from you (or maybe ask you for the meds you need to get up in the morning because them getting high is much more important than you getting to the toilet tomorrow AM). The whole thing scares me and I guess what I’m getting at is that I hope this time will be different. Hopefully I’ll find something that works OR find a doctor that actually takes my illness into account and prescribes me the correct medication right off the bat instead of stringing me along until the DEA shows up and she changes her mind.
I WILL TRY TO POST MORE! I have tons of product photos and some look pictures as well that need to be uploaded. I’ve also finally gotten my beauty/computer/filming station set up and all I need is some better lighting and a good mirror since I’m a bat. Coming back will happen. I love this community and I adore makeups so not coming back isn’t an option.
Hope everyone out there is well!! I have some blogs to catch up on.