I need to write about this while I’m arm flailingly enraged about it. One of the arguments I keep seeing about this is that her word or rather any victim’s word for that matter is moot until hard evidence is produced. There are so many things wrong with that, but the thing that really bothers me is that people seem to think that rape leaves evidence. Part of the reason women don’t speak out about rape is because it’s nearly impossible to prove unless it’s an aggravated assault. In terms of intimate partner sexual violence it’s really fucking hard to prove anything. The term isn’t even necessarily all that great because the word violence makes people assume that there would be marks on the victims body or something along those lines. That isn’t the case.
The main thing that seems to be misunderstood is the definition of rape in the first place. I myself didn’t even know what it truly was until a few years ago. Yes, in some cases rape is violent or against children and those things we all agree are wrong, but people seem to like to forget that coercion, date rape, etc. There are a surprisingly huge amount of ways that you can disregard someone else’s consent and people do do it. Everyday.
*No does not mean convince me. Not in any circumstance unless previously discussed with a safeword, etc. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been making out, it doesn’t even matter if you’ve almost finished banging, if someone says no/stop, then it’s over. If you get angry and intimidate the person into sex or you continue to try despite them getting annoyed, surprise, you are a rapist.
*If someone turns you down, the answer is not to pour them another shot, etc. That makes you a fucking predator. Do.Not. Try to get people drunk to sleep with them. It’s okay to hook up when you’re drunk, but if you are getting someone fucked up in the hopes that they fuck you then you are doing something wrong.
*If someone is unable to consent because they are intoxicated/black out drunk, asleep. drugged don’t touch them.
*If someone consents to something ie. sex with a condom, says they are on birth control, etc and their partner reneges on it, that is also probably rape as it changes the terms of their consent.
There are so many more, but those are some of the main ones I see happen all the time. Partner rape in particular is a lot more complex than just saying no/stop, there are usually layers of abuse of other kinds in the mix that help the abuser coerce their victim into doing things they don’t want to. On top of that, a lot of times people don’t even know whats happened to them is rape or at the very least shady as fuck because our culture supports so much shady shit in the goal of getting in people’s pants.
It’s fucked up. Yes false allegations are a thing, but they are so fucking rare that it’s not what people should jump to and it pisses me the fuck off. Chances are you know a couple rapists, in fact, I know you do. But the main thing here isn’t about them. It’s about supporting the victim. I’m not telling you to go pick up the fucking pitchforks and torches. I’m saying that all we should care about here is making sure the victims are taken care of. It takes a lot of balls to do what Stoya did and she and all people who say they’ve been assaulted deserve to be taken seriously.
I’m sick as balls, have been, but this topic has been driving me nuts and I needed to get something/anything out about it. And now I’m burnt out. I have blog posts archived to be published, but they all need pictures. I’ve been way to sick to life so I’ll be back when I can. No promises though. I’ve been reading a lot and that is what I intend to do now. It’s the best way to get my mind off of the sick/pain. It’s fucking great and goodreads is probably the only website I’ve been on continuously for the last few weeks. It’s the best. I have no braining left and I’m not angry anymore, so bye.